I've gotta find my purpose

I realized two goals. And I set them. It feels good. They are attainable, in theory. They are measureable.
This was on the way to Rochester to see my father, riding a bus. I realized two goals, and I set them. I have a direction. It's been a long time. I honestly can't remember how it feels, and I don't feel any different yet. We'll see once I start working towards them.
Finally, I suppose this makes me less of a hypocrite.

White dunes, wind-blown
Cover farms, Carved forms
Cold irony, Crossing isolation
Like white washed winter beaches

How could we feel anything?
Sailing through an empty canvas.
Draw out all of me,
Still unable to paint.

Welcome Back, Luc

I'm currently back in the states. I've been back for a few days now. Already I have asked myself why. But the answers are obvious enough, so let's not assume that me asking means I don't want to be here.
Christmas here is quite a festival. I'm trying to be nice. It's quite an ordeal. Here in Minnesota we will be full of shopping, and big meals, and bulky clothes, and minor quarrels. But the snow is beautiful, cold weather is refreshing, family is lovely, games are hilarious, and gift-giving spirit is wonderful.
I'd honestly forgotten what it's like.

I got really confused (still kindof am) with plate-passing at the table. It's just not something that happens in Korea. Like, ever. And I'd completely forgotten how to do it. I almost handed my uncle my plate after dishing up my own vegetables, instead of giving him the vegetable bowl. -_- And I notice that I hardly ever look people in the eye anymore when they're talking. And I think they're a bit put off by it.
I'm also not yet used to the average height of Americans, or the average weight. Perhaps these are a bit more exaggerated here in the Norwegian Northwest.

But here's a little deeper look. Culture shock, first of all, is a real diagnosable psychological problem. Its effects are mostly pretty obvious, but the coping and the result of experiencing culture shock is what I'm focusing on here. There are generally 3 overall reactions to culture shock.

1. One is Adoption. An individual truly adapts to the new environment, takes on habits, language, attitudes, and values. They do this at the cost of their original identity. They normally remain in the new country forever.
2. Two is Cosmopolitanism. An individual adapts the points of the new culture they see as positive and retains aspects of their former selves or culture, creating a specific blend. They have no major problems relocating again.
3. Three is Rejection. These people find integration impossible, and that cultural differences are too great and unaccaeptable. They withdraw to a "ghetto" of their own culture and specific comfortable surroundings. They see return to their native culture as the only acceptable answer to the situation. Yet these people have the most problems upon return.

I've watched my students come and go from other countries, and seen various incarnations of all 3 outcomes. I've seen extremes of all. I know of a few cosmopolitans who've lived in 4+ countries.

What's the problem, you ask?............. I think I fit in between Cosmo and Adopter. And I don't want to be an adopter. I've watched myself very closely....... and thinking about it, I'm more Adopter than Cosmopolitan, and that's kindof a shame.

Philippines Pictures!

First of all, I'd like to say thank you to Cyworld, for their "Scrapbooking" system. Facebook's tagging feature is also cool, but scrapbooking is quite handy when you don't have a camera.
It sucks having no camera. I see pictures. I mean, really, I look around sometimes and I just see exactly the moment, or a frame or lighting that would make a perfect shot. And I have nothing to capture it with except my own eyes. The thing is, I could get a simple camera with a little effort to save some money, but honestly, I'd rather wait and get a DSLR or something close to it.

Anyways, here are some pics from that trip to the Philippines I keep talking about. I just scrapbooked them yesterday.

James Bond.
New nickname.

That would be a Stingray we saw in the Advanced Diver group.

2 of my Students, Mun-Oak and Haneul.
Cool.

Whether you know it or not, this picture illustrates exactly how advanced our diving skill is. Notice the lack of kicking or paddling or anything? And the horizontal position of our bodies? This is called mastery of balance. Bouancy balance that is. Just by controlling one's breathing and the air in your balast vest, you can regulate your bouancy, and maintain your vertical position in the water column. It is incredibly difficult to find the proper balance point, like standing on the ball of one foot. A distincive mark of an advanced diver.

More pictures to come.

And wrapping up my chronicle of The Philippines

The other side of my new Advanced Diver's License

The last day we spent sightseeing and shopping. This was a way of killing time off-resort while we waited for our bodies to readjust to being above water for 24 hours.
(Warning, science alert)
You see, when diving, nitrogen compressed in the air in your tank stays compressed in your body. The compressed nitrogen dissolves more readily in one's blood, and thus, if that person suddenly resurfaced, the excess nitrogen dissolved would basically undissolve, causing what is known as "Decompression Sickness" or "The bends." Actually, although we take measures to slowly return to the surface and avoid it, the nitrogen levels in our blood still do not fully re-adjust for many hours. Therefore, if we were to fly shortly thereafter, it would induce a similar or possibly more severe case of The Bends. In addition to the Nitrogen issue, the sinus passages and in general the respiratory system can become inflamed due to the changes in pressure, and if not adjusted properly, can trap compressed air which then will expand in a high-altitude setting and cause severe pain.
Ok, science lesson over.
Summary: If we fly within 24 hours of our last dive, severe pain/sickness.
So we waited.

Um, "Buddy Christ"?

And I saw this wonderful Bleeding Heart Jesus Statue in a cathedral next to Magellan's Cross. Man, people are serious about some Christianity. But this being in the cathedral was comical. I guess seeing Dogma made me lose some of my reverence.

Shopping. Gigantic shopping mall. Most of my students don't speak English well. I spent about 30 minutes getting money changed and directing a few of the ones I could help. Then I abandoned everyone to look around on my own.
Everywhere you go, people are people. The sky is still the sky.
I saw college students in school uniforms playing DDR. And bored Filippino Nike store workers. And Jollibee.
For those of you that don't know, Jollibee is like McDonalds, only kinda creepy. So actually I guess it's just like McDonalds.
I found a clothing shop called Human that I really liked. My style clothes. And not expensive. Apparently an originally Filippino clothing company. I rocked about $60 and got a bunch of stuff.
Then we came back .
Waiting for planes sucks.
What sucks more is that when I extended my Visa for the second year of teaching here, the extension on my Visa was not a "Multiple-Entry" Visa. And I was not told this. I found out later that even the people who renewed my Visa (as in Daejeon's official Immigrations Office) did not know this. So what happened? Well, obviously, they confiscated my Registration Card. (like a Green Card) I had unknowingly invalidated it by leaving the country and attempting to return. And my Visa was completely nullified and cancelled. I am on the verge of finally correcting this, but it is too much a headache to discuss further right now.

Me in Korean Airport Mode.
Which is not unlike flip mode.
I throw down.
On Swine influenza, that is.

Lastly, I had the odd experience of running into about 40-some soldiers fromthe US Army and Air Force waiting for buses in exactly the same place we were supposed to meet ours. I felt bad for talking with my students about them in Korean. I know they couldn't understand me. But we didn't say anything bad. Just "Hey, are these Americans?" "Yeah, they look like Americans. Accent is American. Oh, look, there's a tag, yeah, they're American." And then I said, very kindly, and in English, "Welcome to Korea." For which I just got weird looks. Then one of my students laughed. That didn't help. Awkward.

Totally Random

I was walking back from a meeting with my boss today when the strangest urge struck me. (Pun intended)

I met Chairman Kim to discuss a kinematic study he was finalizing. It felt good to be the helpful as the resident physicist and resident native english speaker in the department. I pointed out a couple errors in the English version of his Abstract, and helped consolidate his statements. Then I pointed out a possible implication of the results of the kinematic analysis, which got him excited and wanting to review his data again. ^_^ Happy face.

But then as I was walking to my office, I saw a couple students carrying what looked like styro-board models of office complexes they designed. (architecture presentation or something?) And this one student was very short. Maybe as tall as my shoulder, he looked about my age, and he was carrying his board in his arms in front of him like a giant plate of food. And I got this sudden urge to walk a little closer to his route across the street, and when I was close, just judo-chop the whole board in half. Like high-school bully meets Austin Powers.

So of course I didnt.

As hilarious as it looked in my mind, I then wondered, "What the hell's wrong with me?" I get random impulses like this all the time. Not always violent ones, but geez. And I know I'm not the only one, but should I be asking myself some deeper questions about why an impulse like that would surface in the first place, and where it might have come from? Is it time to do some psychology homework?

Let's see, what else.....

Well, I've been gone for a year and a half now, and I have to say it's remarkable that I can stay in contact at all with any of my old friends. I mean, this seems obivous, but the physical distance and the distance in time that separates our lives and our worlds is tremendous now. I don't expect that upon my return in January that people will have the same space in their lives for me as they once did. That's preposterous, and pretentious. There will be some level of reminiscence and inclusion left, but what more could there be? I know that my feeling of friendship and my memories don't change much, but that does not make for a friendship, exactly. It's a realization I've been stewing over for a while, and here's the point:

As globalized and inter-connected as societies are nowadays, as small as the world seems in light of the global economy, global climate, and global attitude.... The one thing that will always remain incredibly local is the scope of human life and existence.

Most people live within about a 50-mile radius. Most people who've found their "soulmate" report finding them within a 50-mile radius of their hometown. We consider it extraordinary to make more than a 30-40 mile commute to work or school, or extracurriculars. In fact, many people consider destinations more than 50 miles away from home to be a vacation, even if it is a "day-trip," or we can go by high-speed transportation. And people that move far away from their hometowns, even after long and happy lives there, even feeling split between the world they enter and the world they left behind, don't seem to merge the two well. Our lives, our friends, our jobs, fit into a very local scale.

Lastly, I'm getting tense. I should do all my final exams a week early, so I can grade them and handle all objections before going to the US for a month. But I want to give the students more time to study, so no. I also am still waiting on the necessary documents to re-acquire my visa. (It was confiscated when I returned from The Philippines. Big mess. Not my fault.) I also want to buy a new phone before I return to the US. It's been a priority for a while to get a new smartphone. (Like, since my Palm Pilot broke 3 years ago.) And I'ma either get the brand new Samsung Omnia II or if I can find it, an Android-based korean smartphone.

Phone of Dreams?