Bow down, people.

I think I should probably be trying harder to maintain my resposibilities. But I have many, so that's no easy thing. I guess everyone faces this dilemma. We fall behind a bit, we get ahead a bit, we feel accomplished, we feel failure. Our nature makes us inconsistent. We waver between desire and duty, between relief and reproach.
Chuseok (추석) is the traditional fall harvest holiday of Korea. It falls on the Autumn Solstice, which is this weekend. Similar in concept to Thanksgiving or Samhain, only without any indians or bonfires. Chuseok does include some religious tradition, however, from Confucianism (not a religion, I know) and Buddhism. Namely, families visit the gravesite of their family's ancestors and offer food, drink, etc as well as clean the area of the gravesite. There's also a special food associated with Chuseok, which is a type of small sweet-filled rice-cake called Songpyeon.
I can feel myself being swept up in a tide of Chuseok fever, like the swell before a holiday in any culture, I suppose. Everyone gets ready for said holiday, makes plans, collects special gear, gathers loved ones or friends, normal schedules are compromised, and lots of money and time get spent. The holiday comes with all it's associated ceremony, memory, reverance, criticism, joy, and festivity. The holiday is celebrated! Then it passes, and is missed. The feeling wears, and people drag themselves back into the parade of days that aren't so special as that one. Our endless numbered days. The wave receeds and the beach is changed, but no less or more flat than before.
I'm jaded, obviously.
I have a new nickname. From David, out of nowhere. Apparently I'm a greek dessert called Lucamades. lol. That one sounds like a greek god's name or something. God of Tasty Treats, LUCAMADES. Just imagine that in a giant booming voice. ^_^

Big Boy

I'm thinking a lot recently, and it hit me this morning, I had to admit that because of these thoughts, "I'm not a boy anymore." And I think I remember the exact point where that happened, the change from being a boy. I may still be young, but I'm a man, now. And these swirling, mature, big-decision thoughts constantly remind me of that. And I'm a bit sad. Not because I realized I'm not a boy anymore, but because these thoughts are big and heavy and I want to hide from them.

My schedule keeps getting whipped around. I'm kinda tired of that. But the first 2 semesters of my time here were like that, so I should be used to it by now. It's still annoying. Two of my superiors changed my schedule this week, one approving a change so I could do something with him, then another denying that possibility and changing it back. Like I said, annoying. Not sure what I want to do, either, so that doesn't help.

I realized this week that my current schedule of classes puts me in an exercise-oriented class more than 20 hours each week. Now, some of those hours I'm only teaching and not exercising a lot, or even lecturing a bit (about health or self-defense theory) but some of them I'm expected to lead or participate in intense workouts. 20+ hours a week. When I realized that, I went out to eat and had dessert after lunch. Then lots of pizza for dinner. I thought, "if I'm gonna be working that hard this semester, I'd better enjoy the caloric benefits!" ^^,

T

is for tired.
I hate sleep, and that's not helping me adjust to getting up early every morning. Luckily, most of my classes as of now aren't that early in the morning, and though I'm still supposed to be here at 9AM, nobody really knew or was hurt by me coming in late everyday this week. Next week starts the "SSI" class (actually I don't know what that stands for,) which is 8-9AM every weekday, and is basically just an english conversation session. Not quite looking forward to that, even though it's always entertaining. Also, my class schedule has changed a bit. Actually, the classes didn't change, but my role in them did. So I'm a little more busy time-wise, but it actually reduces the amount of planning I have to do, and puts me more at ease about those classes that changed. Odd, and on Wednesdays I no longer have a lunch break til 3PM, but it's all good.

In other news, I think I've isolated those funny feelings in my chest as either emotionally-based or exertion-based most of the time. Can't describe them, quite, other than that they happen at those spikes in exertion or emotion, feel kindof like a rush or like a cold sensation, and don't hurt. Dad once told me that he ignored for years the feeling they later told him was heart palpitations.... I'm hoping this isn't that, and now that I'm back into an exercise routine with classes, if it doesn't go away soon, I will see someone about it.

Couple new nicknames recently, too. "Luc-Navi" is one I picked up a while ago, because some of my Korean friends have no sense of direction, and though they may have more experience in an area, I usually still know better than they do where we are and where we're going. I just kindof have a good sense of direction. (Boy Scouts, maybe?) Then this past week, I got a few more "functions" to add to my hypothetical utility belt. There's "Luc-KyeongHo," which basically translates to "Luc-Bodyguard;" "Luc-Helper" because I'm handy and willing to help carry/move things, etc; and "Luc-Aid" because one of my teacher friends asked me to help grade a test. Yes, each one of them is button activated, and can be turned on/off. Users preferences are stored, and users can choose to have Luc-functions automatically activated in their presence. The Luc-Anycall is ready to help! Anytime, Anycall!
Although that last one sounds a lot like "Lucozade" which is one Dave gave me a long time ago.

I recently made a new playlist called "A Beautiful Sadness," inspired by a picture of one of my friends. Then I made another Mix CD called "The best of what's New(ternative)" after acquiring some new music. "Newternative" is a genre I use to deliniate the "Alternative" of the 90's from the current, new-flavor stuff. Music is awesome. I now have over 11,000 songs in over 50 genres. Go go, music collecting obsession!

Still Reeling

My heart feels funny. I don't know if I feel like it's beating funny, or I'm getting the wrong combination of caffeine & sleep, or what. But it's weird. I always felt it didn't keep a very regular beat, but occasionally for about 3 weeks now I feel it more. And I mean I feel it beating in my chest, almost constantly. And that's a little worrisome.

My classes are going pretty well. Met my monday classes for the first time. So now the first complete week of classes is through. They all seem like good classes. I'm not looking forward to the length of a semester's worth of planning, though. Not so fun, not something to look forward to. But then again, classes and students are worth looking forward to. And this first week of intro lessons, I've taught almost entirely in Korean. We'll see how the rest of the semester goes.

I don't write to people often enough.
My roommate is awesome, but we haven't seen much of each other since he moved in. Only a few times hanging out. But that's ok.
I miss Matt Bell.